Checking with your Gut

Hi,

Have you noticed that it's best to check with your gut before you make a decision? I have. It doesn't matter if the decision is life-changing or simply logistical. I have trained myself to listen. It's simple things, like I'm leaving my home and the thought crosses my mind,

"Take the other shoes."

When I listen and take the shoes, something on the trip requires the comfortable shoes and I smile as I get them out of the back of the car. It can be something that basic.

When big decisions arise, it is even more important to listen. It takes time and attention. That's why we wrote our book, SOUL SOLITUDE: Taking Time for Our Souls to Catch Up, to help folks understand why it is essential to sit quietly. So many people told us that they simply didn't have enough time to fit in exercise, let alone quiet sitting in Soul Solitude. My question to them was whether or not they could fit in the time to sit in regret, re-do relationships, lose opportunities, or regain their health. Not a popular question, right?

I invite you to ask yourself what your current self-talk is about taking time for spiritual practice. Only sitting in the sacred silence in Soul Solitude will bring you the insights and peace that leads to spiritual living.

Find time to sit. As you'll learn in the book, there is no technique. You cannot do it wrong. But, you do have to do it!

Much love, great joy and many blessings,
Rhoberta

You can find the book at www.SoulSolitude.com

OVERCOMING OVER-COMPROMISING

OVERCOMIING OVER-COMPROMISING
© Rhoberta Shaler, PhD
www.SowPeace.com

Do you ever feel over-compromised in your relationships?

Like you've given in, given over, and maybe even given up?

If you've ever said these words, you're there.

"IT'S NOT WORTH THE HASSLE!!!"

Those are complaints I hear often from my relationship coaching clients who are searching for the keys to having the relationship they long for, but haven't yet experienced.

We are told over and over that every relationship involves a certain amount of compromise. And, it's true. There is very little value in arguing over whose movie gets chosen every single time. There's a logical place to compromise. The problem is that many folks live with constant feelings of giving in, giving over and have simply given up. And, there are cures!

Unfortunately, there is no magic, though. Relationship begins with you, not the other person. If I had a hundred dollars for each couple who say they want to improve their relationship and have come into my office or to a coaching call with this attitude, I'd be delighted:

"If only you could teach her/him ______________, our relationship would be great."

Now, those couples seldom say that out loud. They really believe that if I could just fix their partners all problems would disappear. They come in hoping that I'll simply take the back off their partner, make a few adjustments, and all will be heavenly. Those unspoken agendas and secret fantasies need great consideration...because you may them and never even make it to my office or telephone. You simply delude yourself with the idea that it's your partner's issues that make the relationship difficult.

Relationship starts with knowing who you are, AND, who you are in relationship. Examining that and how it came to be true is an essential beginning point. In the four-week Soul-Driven Love* class, we work on ourselves in new ways for the first two weeks. Big surprise to many folks, cuz they came to find out the secrets of fixing their partner!!

Compromise is only one of five major ways to manage conflict. And, conflict is not a four-letter word. It simply means a difference of opinion, style or point-of-view. Learning how to manage conflict effectively and productively is key for everyone, in every relationship. It goes hand-in-hand with also learning to communicate and negotiate skillfully--both also learned skills.

Where did you learn to manage conflict? If you are like most people, it was learned by watching others. That spectrum runs between screaming, yelling and serving up ultimatums to acquiesing, backing down and avoiding confrontation at all costs. None of those strategies are wise or productive. You've likely noticed that.

If you find yourself compromising more than is comfortable, take the time to ask yourself why you do that. If you think you're just seeking peace, examine that. Peace is great, but, if it begins to be accompanied by resentment, you need another strategy.

You need to know who you are and what you value, believe, and desire. Peace at all cost is not likely it. That will lead you to over-compromising. That is simply under-valuing yourself. If this is a description of your relationship, you are not headed towards Soul-Driven Love.

Soul-Driven Love begins in Soul Solitude**. When we wrote that book, we gave you guidelines, reasons and principles for taking time for your soul to catch up. That's the starting point to have the most glorious life possible. You deserve it. Overcome over-compromise now.

I wish you well.
Rhoberta

Rhoberta Shaler, PhD
Counselor. Consultant. Coach. Catalyst.
Helping Businesses Prosper & People Flourish
www.SowPeace.com
www.Rhoberta.com
www.OptimizeInstitute.com
www.SpiritualLivingNetwork.com


Dr. Shaler is the author of nine books and is the Founder of www.SowPeace.com

** Soul Solitude: Taking Time for Our Souls to Catch Up is available at www.SoulSolitude.com or order it from your local bookstore or Amazon.