Don't Put Off Reaching Out

Yesterday was my birthday. It was a lovely day, filled with great conversation, cards, flowers and a general feeling of being appreciated. Perfect!

As I sat last night looking at the beautiful flowers my daughter sent me, I was thinking about how easy it is to be too tired, too busy, too stressed to reach out and think about someone else. The people in my life were not bothered by those things. They took the time to find the perfect card, pick up the phone, send a Facebook message, or take me out to eat. I am blessed.

It wasn't about money spent. A new friend whom I grow to appreciate more each time we meet took me to dinner. She was asking me about where we should go to eat. Now, lovely though restaurants with many stars are, they just don't interest me much. I have a ton of food allergies, and it just doesn't suit the environment to be questioning the ingredients. So, when she asked, I said:

"Cheap, cheerful and good company! Those are my requests."

She was visibly relieved. We had a great time, and I am grateful for her caring.

This morning, a dear friend of many years and I connected on Skype. The joy of an old friendship where you can talk about the changes we've experienced and the insights we're having cannot be topped.

This all just made me realize why I make phone calls and remember birthdays. It is an important way of staying connected, or getting connected. And, it has great value to me.

Is there someone you need to call? I'm reading my list and checking it twice today!!

Many blessings,
Rhoberta

Miracles as Teachers

You've likely noticed that we have more opportunities these days to remind ourselves of spiritual principles. That's because there are more messages filled with negativity, scarcity and limitation bombarding us. Chicken Little is alive and well, screaming that the sky is falling!


Clearly, things are changing. It's really no surprise, is it? Everyone likes to think it is possible to get something for nothing. Could it really have been possible to buy a house with an inflated price tag with a huge loan that your income really could not support? No, but it happened. Is it really a good idea to get a credit card with 0% interest to start, buy the things you wanted and then find yourself with a 25% or 36% interest accruing? No, but it happened.


I was talking with a dear friend a couple of years ago. He is a wonderfully generous man with an amazingly talented wife, and buying a home where they could entertain was a dream. His income barefuly supported the small, run-down home they rented. He thought it was a miracle when a mortgage company approved their loan on the big house with the huge garden for entertaining. And, it was a miracle in the truest sense: there was no way to explain how it could possibly happen!


Having lunch with him six months ago, the miracle had faded into a source of incredible stress, fear and pain. The variable rate mortgage that made it possible for them to have the house was now eating up every single cent he could bring in, with nothing left for bills, or daily food--not to mention for the entertaining that was so important. They were distraught.


So, what about the miracle? The tremendous gratitude my friends felt for being able to purchase the house had become depression over the potential albatross it had become. Their pain was intense as they saw their dreams fading into ruined credit and a return to the tiny, inadequate rental housing of earlier years. What to do?

Fortunately for them, another miracle took place: a friend who loved and appreciated them stepped in and helped them even before the government made it possible for them to renegotiate their mortgage. This fellow believed in them and their talents. A miracle!

A Course in Miracles tells us that:

"Miracles occur naturally as expressions of love. The real miracle is the love that inspires them. In this sense everything that comes from love is a miracle....A miracle is a service. It is the maximal service you can render to another. It is a way of loving your neighbor as yourself. You recognize your own and your neighbor's worth simultaneously."

So, was the miracle in the being approved for the loan, living in a house that seemed way beyond what was affordable, or, the love of the friend who removed the financial pain? All seem to qualify.

The miracles are the teachers. They are not magic because they arise from conviction of what is possible. Do they put an end to pain? Perhaps, temporarily, but other things will arise. That's life.

"Miracles are healing because they supply a lack; they are performed by those who temporarily have more for those who temporarily have less."

We all have something to give, no matter what the economy. We all will have learning associated with both our lack and our miracles. That's life.

Have you had a miracle lately? I hope you'll share it with us here.

Many blessings,
Rhoberta

Rhoberta Shaler, PhD
Founder, Spiritual Living Network
www.SpiritualLivingNetwork.com
NEW WEBSITE: www.TamingTenseTimes.com

Checking with your Gut

Hi,

Have you noticed that it's best to check with your gut before you make a decision? I have. It doesn't matter if the decision is life-changing or simply logistical. I have trained myself to listen. It's simple things, like I'm leaving my home and the thought crosses my mind,

"Take the other shoes."

When I listen and take the shoes, something on the trip requires the comfortable shoes and I smile as I get them out of the back of the car. It can be something that basic.

When big decisions arise, it is even more important to listen. It takes time and attention. That's why we wrote our book, SOUL SOLITUDE: Taking Time for Our Souls to Catch Up, to help folks understand why it is essential to sit quietly. So many people told us that they simply didn't have enough time to fit in exercise, let alone quiet sitting in Soul Solitude. My question to them was whether or not they could fit in the time to sit in regret, re-do relationships, lose opportunities, or regain their health. Not a popular question, right?

I invite you to ask yourself what your current self-talk is about taking time for spiritual practice. Only sitting in the sacred silence in Soul Solitude will bring you the insights and peace that leads to spiritual living.

Find time to sit. As you'll learn in the book, there is no technique. You cannot do it wrong. But, you do have to do it!

Much love, great joy and many blessings,
Rhoberta

You can find the book at www.SoulSolitude.com

OVERCOMING OVER-COMPROMISING

OVERCOMIING OVER-COMPROMISING
© Rhoberta Shaler, PhD
www.SowPeace.com

Do you ever feel over-compromised in your relationships?

Like you've given in, given over, and maybe even given up?

If you've ever said these words, you're there.

"IT'S NOT WORTH THE HASSLE!!!"

Those are complaints I hear often from my relationship coaching clients who are searching for the keys to having the relationship they long for, but haven't yet experienced.

We are told over and over that every relationship involves a certain amount of compromise. And, it's true. There is very little value in arguing over whose movie gets chosen every single time. There's a logical place to compromise. The problem is that many folks live with constant feelings of giving in, giving over and have simply given up. And, there are cures!

Unfortunately, there is no magic, though. Relationship begins with you, not the other person. If I had a hundred dollars for each couple who say they want to improve their relationship and have come into my office or to a coaching call with this attitude, I'd be delighted:

"If only you could teach her/him ______________, our relationship would be great."

Now, those couples seldom say that out loud. They really believe that if I could just fix their partners all problems would disappear. They come in hoping that I'll simply take the back off their partner, make a few adjustments, and all will be heavenly. Those unspoken agendas and secret fantasies need great consideration...because you may them and never even make it to my office or telephone. You simply delude yourself with the idea that it's your partner's issues that make the relationship difficult.

Relationship starts with knowing who you are, AND, who you are in relationship. Examining that and how it came to be true is an essential beginning point. In the four-week Soul-Driven Love* class, we work on ourselves in new ways for the first two weeks. Big surprise to many folks, cuz they came to find out the secrets of fixing their partner!!

Compromise is only one of five major ways to manage conflict. And, conflict is not a four-letter word. It simply means a difference of opinion, style or point-of-view. Learning how to manage conflict effectively and productively is key for everyone, in every relationship. It goes hand-in-hand with also learning to communicate and negotiate skillfully--both also learned skills.

Where did you learn to manage conflict? If you are like most people, it was learned by watching others. That spectrum runs between screaming, yelling and serving up ultimatums to acquiesing, backing down and avoiding confrontation at all costs. None of those strategies are wise or productive. You've likely noticed that.

If you find yourself compromising more than is comfortable, take the time to ask yourself why you do that. If you think you're just seeking peace, examine that. Peace is great, but, if it begins to be accompanied by resentment, you need another strategy.

You need to know who you are and what you value, believe, and desire. Peace at all cost is not likely it. That will lead you to over-compromising. That is simply under-valuing yourself. If this is a description of your relationship, you are not headed towards Soul-Driven Love.

Soul-Driven Love begins in Soul Solitude**. When we wrote that book, we gave you guidelines, reasons and principles for taking time for your soul to catch up. That's the starting point to have the most glorious life possible. You deserve it. Overcome over-compromise now.

I wish you well.
Rhoberta

Rhoberta Shaler, PhD
Counselor. Consultant. Coach. Catalyst.
Helping Businesses Prosper & People Flourish
www.SowPeace.com
www.Rhoberta.com
www.OptimizeInstitute.com
www.SpiritualLivingNetwork.com


Dr. Shaler is the author of nine books and is the Founder of www.SowPeace.com

** Soul Solitude: Taking Time for Our Souls to Catch Up is available at www.SoulSolitude.com or order it from your local bookstore or Amazon.

Consciousness is Causative

God is the Creative Principle, infinite, eternal, omnipresent, without beginning and without ending. Personally, I find it difficult to think about God AND a universe. To me, it is all one. In that same way, cause and effect are one. Just one. Amazingly, one. God, then, as the creative principle, is the cause and effect. The problem and the answer are one.

Without consciousness, we have no awareness, no knowledge. You'll remember that Descartes said: "I think, therefore, I am." Without consciousness, we would be unaware that we exist!
Understanding God as consciousness allows us to understand this universe as consciousness formed. Once we have that understanding--God as the causative principle of our universe--we can know that universal consciosuness is ever producing and reproducing. It's just like orange trees, continuously producing and reproducing oranges. It's what it does!

It is not creating, but unfolding. Years ago in seminars, I would say:

"If you don't like the movie that is playing, don't attack the screen. Change the reel."

People were constantly ready to attack what they did not like in their lives and assign causes to their misery or misfortune. They particularly like to play the "If only..." game:

If only I had money...
If only I had an education..
If only I had a relationship...
If only I caught a break in this life...
If only my parents were ....

They yelled, cried, screamed and flailed at life, often putting the face of some person on it which seemed to make it more focused to them.

"It is unfair, wrong, awful! I have been mistreated. I don't deserve this."

Did that stance help them? Of course not. They didn't like the movie of their life, so, they attacked the screen. Our "life projector" can only project what's on the reel--our consciousness. It was the reel that needs changing.

One of my favorite spiritual teachers, Joel Goldsmith, wrote:

"Consciousness is always unfolding itself and disclosing itself to us in infinite form, in infinite ways, in infinite varieties. ...Today our consciousness is unfolding and disclosing itself in every new way, in every new form, and always increasing abundantly."

Consciousness is awareness. It's not thinking, not mental activity, not holding thoughts. It is awareness, it is as Ernest Holmes wrote:

"We should take the highest thought we have, and attempt to enlarge on this consciousness until it embraces a more vital concept of Reality. Consciousness in this sense means an inner embodiment of ideas. If one wishes to demonstrate prosperity, he must first have a consciousness of prosperity; if he wishes health, he must embody the idea of health. This is more than faith; it is the knowledge that we dealing with Law. While a certain consciousness may be mechanically induced, of course, the more spontaneity put into the mechanical word, the more power the word must have. ...Each maintains a stream of consciousness in the One Mind, and anyone contacting this stream may objectify it....the individual stream of consciousness is always omnipresent..."

Consciousness is causative. It is our consciousness that contains the entire universe. It becomes the law unto our world. The moment we can consciously feel and realize the presence of God, we have the quality of being that removes all belief of erroneous conditions in our lives. This changes everything!

Many blessings,
Rhoberta

Rhoberta Shaler, PhD
www.SoulDrivenLiving.com
Co-author, SOUL SOLITUDE: Taking Time for Our Souls to Catch Up
www.SoulSolitude.com

Join in. It's free! www.SpiritualLivingNetwork.com Social networking for the spiritually-minded.

Can you REALLY "let go?"

Would the world stop turning if I gave up my illusion of control?

That's a big question with two important parts: my illusion and my control. Do I actually believe that I am in control of all that goes on here called my life? I think of the many goal-setting workshops I gave in the 80's, so clear that there was a process that could regulate my behavior. Even then, I only paid it lip service in my own life because it did not seem right. Now, I laugh when I think of it. Intuitively, I think I knew that all my planning was simply time-consuming behavior the outcome of which I could not be attached to. But, it gave me the illusion of doing something, at least!

You might have had that experience, too. Please understand that I have no issue with myself or others having goals. I simply consider them to be what I think might be next or best. Not rules. Not formulae. Not "must-haves." And, able to be let go of in an instant!

I've been in seminars and workshops where the supposed sage on the stage demanded that crystal clear goals be created with objectives, action plans and tasks, separated and at the ready as an arsenal for blasting through anything unlike achievement. In fact, it was suggested that you might just be choosing failure if that arsenal was not intact! Perhaps you have experienced something similar.

In our book, SOUL SOLITUDE: Taking Time for Our Souls to Catch Up, we say that surrender is one of the four most important steps in a soul-driven life. That's not a sometimes kind of surrender. It's a bigtime, all-the-time kind of surrender. Are you willing to live surrendered in God? What do you understand by that question? I'd love to hear your thoughts.

Many blessings,
Rhoberta

Rhoberta Shaler, PhD
Counselor. Consultant. Coach. Catalyst.
Helping Businesses Prosper & People Flourish
www.SowPeace.com
www.Rhoberta.com
www.OptimizeInstitute.com
www.SpiritualLivingNetwork.com


Dr. Shaler is the author of nine books and is the Founder of www.SowPeace.com

Soul-Driven or Ego-Driven? That is the Question.

I think a very important part of the discussion around creating a Soul-Driven Life is in determining the difference between Ego and Soul.

There are some writers who would have us get rid of the Ego as quickly as possible, which, in our way of thinking in Soul Solitude, would mean a quick end to earthly life. We think the Ego is an important part that needs to be acknowledged and recognized for what it does for us. What we want to avoid is an Ego-Driven Life.

The Ego is a necessary part of us and definitely a part that we are wise to embrace. When it is in the driver's seat, however, in a relationship, that tenderness, availability, sensitivity and willingness is over-shadowed by the Ego needs.

We talk a lot about the Ego in Soul Solitude because we believe it is quite misunderstood. There are many who suggest that we must "kill the Ego" if we are to live spiritual lives. We say, "Not so." The Soul does not matter to the Ego, however, so the Ego truly resists our achieving Soul Solitude. The Ego is outwardly focused on acquiring, doing, keeping, having. The Ego thinks sitting is Soul Solitude is a waste of the precious time it believes is so limited!

The Ego leads us into interesting places...to say the least! Then, it is up to us to apply spiritual principles to where we find ourselves. That is the shift from Ego-Driven to Soul-Driven.

What are your thoughts on the matter?

Many blessings,
Rhoberta

Founder, Spiritual Living Network, www.SpiritualLivingNetwork.com
Co-Author, Soul Solitude: Taking Time for Our Souls to Catch Up, www.SoulSolitude.com